Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Background - Da Yeller Klaw and Deff Dread Fred

Da Yeller Klaw

It wasn't long in their exodus across the empty band between one spiral arm and another before WAAGH! Drillteef became excessively bored of the vast emptiness of that region.  During that time, while the Boyz fought amongst themselves and taunted Warp Spawn into realspace for a laugh, the Brainboyz set to building some dead stompy feats of Orky ingenuity.

One of these inventions was Da Yeller Klaw.  Since its inception, there have been many and more like it.  The primary impetus for the device was that it utilized a lot of the scrap collected from fighting against the armies of Chaos on the outer fringes of the Astronomican's reach.  The sophisticated move-by-wire systems and trapped Daemonic essences within these twisted, Warpforged constructs allowed the Brainboyz to develop heavy walkers which did not require an Ork to be permanently lashed to the machine.  Instead, they required a crew of two to four.

Da Yeller Klaw itself boasts a pair of mighty Klawz, an Ork-manned Wreckin' Ball, an Ork-manned Snappin Pincer Klaw, and a pair of 'Eavy Dread Nutz for drubbin' fools who try to take Da Klaw out from it's exposed belly.

Mad Doc Drillteef was so impressed by Da Yeller Klaw and the other constructs like it that he ordered his WAAGH! to plow through any Chaos systems that stood in their way in order for more of these beasts to be assembled.

Of course, in all likelihood, Mad Doc would have given that order anyways.

Deff Dread Fred

Of course, WAAGH! Drillteef does also boast a myriad of Dreads in the more traditional style.  Each dread, however, has its own unique history and none more unique than that of Deff Dread Fred.

Xenos Inquisitor Fedriko Caphane was the kind of man who preferred to really throw himself into his work.  He didn't balk at the idea of mingling with the Xenos races whose study was his duty. When he found himself venturing out of the Ultima Segmentum to study the odd WAAGH! Drillteef and its strange Warlords, he quaffed a dangerous amount of chameleonic potions and dressed the part of a big, hairy Ork.  He lived among WAAGH! Drillteef for several weeks, spending much of his time among the Brainboyz and learning everything he could as a sort of go-fer for Big Mek Skar 'Ead.

After a time, before his potions could run their course, Caphane packed away all his dataslates and what treasures he dared bring with him and stole out of the camp in the dead of night, making for his stealth transport.

He didn't make it very far.  A mob of Skar'Ead's Grot Riggers stopped him just outside the camp and urged him back with makeshift, rusted metal implements and zappy weapons which looked almost as dangerous for the target as they were to the wielder.  They led him to a clearing in one of the scrap piles where mountains of equipment were piled in a haphazard ruin.

"Got us a runaway spy?" said Skar'Ead.

"Dunno wot you sayin, boss!" replied Fedriko.

Skar'Ead narrowed his red-eyed gaze at the Inquisitor, "Dunn fool me, Oomie. Dem uvvers, yeah. But I'm too trig for da likes of you.  Tho, I do say you gives me some good time to watch how you work. Learn to fink how you fink. Ayyeh... you been good teachin fer me an' mine.  Ver good and I say thank ya."

"How could you tell?"

"Ow can I tell ee sez?" amusement played across his ravaged face and all the Gretchin, both seen and unseen amidst the leaning piles of refuse giggled, "Ow do you tell if'n Ork came to you fer a Mekboy in service, eh?  You smellz him.  An you sez do this an 'ee can't do it. An you scan 'im," Skar'Ead held up a device which Fedriko knew never left Skar'Ead's possession.  "You scan all wrong, Oomie."

Fedriko's heart began pounding, "So you have me. Kill me, then. My service to the Emperor ends today and it ends without shame.  None can say the career of Inquisitor Fedriko Caphane was not storied or without honor!"

"Sure, Fred, it be da end of yer service to da big, gold man on da big, gold shitter.  But kill yer?  I dunna think so, Oomie.  Now you serve WAAGH! Drillteef.  You serve from now till yer days are done. You still mostly Ork at least for da next few turns.  Da Dread will know what ter do wiv ya!"  He chortled.

"No... no.... you mustn't!"

"No?  You wanna be an Ork, ya? Well you get to be bigger an' meaner dan any proppa Ork! Dats fer sure! Right lads?"

All the Gretchin laughed and laughed as they manhandled and heaved Fedriko Caphane into the rusty middens of a clanking, red mound of claws and death.  And yes, the Dread knew just what to do with the Inquistor.

Deff Dread Fred serves WAAGH! Drillteef to this day.  No matter how hard the Dread tries to launch itself at the enemy in such a way to make its doom certain, the Meks always find a way of cobbling it back together for another go.

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